Is Your Self-Esteem on Life Support?

Many of the courses I teach for SkillPath have audiences filled with people, predominantly women who suffer from let’s call it “need-to-please-itis”. We were all taught as children to say thank you and please, if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all, and the nicer you are the more friends you have – right? When we practice these basic standards of courtesy that is a healthy form of the “need-to-please”, but when we come down with “need-to-please-itis” your self-esteem starts to shut down and is put on life support, this is when a dose of assertiveness is needed!

The chronically unassertive person is a doormat, available for everyone to walk over, and unable to do anything about it. An unassertive person might eventually burst into a fit of anger at what they see as ‘the last straw,’ but this is not being assertive — it is a symptom of the problem. To change we must look at the feelings we have about ourselves. Ask yourself:

• Why do I feel so pressured by others?
• Why I am so easily pushed around?
• Why do I let people who hurt me in?
• Why can’t I stand my ground?

If your answer is I don’t know, I don’t want people to be mad at me, or some self-deprecating response then it’s time for you to start getting the lifesaving help you need. Assertiveness for people with “need-to-please-itis” is perceived as a medication with the horrible side effect of being mean.  To be clear being assertive is not about being mean, manipulative, bullying or intimidating others. Being assertive does mean evaluating what you want, asking for what you want clearly, directly, and with confidence, and looking for solutions or actions that best accommodate everyone’s needs.

If your tendency has been to allow the needs and wants of others to determine your outcomes in life you may find yourself feeling as if you are treading water in a riptide – will you make it to the shore of safety or drown in a sea of anger or depression?

Should you want to start swimming toward the shore of safety simply reach out for the help you need whether you find it at a live seminar on assertiveness or learn the 12-steps to high self-esteem in the privacy of your home or car. However, you choose to heal your “need-to-please-itis” you deserve to be happy and healthy today!

HELP EMPLOYEES BOOST THEIR SELF-ESTEEM THROUGH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING!

Thanks to Sherry Hayes-Peirce, trainer at Corporate Strategies by SkillPath. Sherry first worked for SkillPath in the 80s as a program manager to help pay for college. After graduation she started her career in training in 1990 with a healthcare company. Three years later she decided to follow her passion for a career in television news. For over a decade she served in positions in front of and behind the camera in cities all across the country. A shift in the news business in 2000 provided an unimaginable opportunity for Sherry to be on the ground floor for learning emerging technology in communications, when the Internet and social media were in their infancy.

In 2009 Sherry responded to an invitation to audition for SkillPath, which in her mind brought her full circle and back on the right road for her career path. She has now become a highly rated social media and communications trainer by sharing realistic examples that are relatable, incorporating experiential activities and ensuring attendees have an individual “personal action plan” as a call to action for change when they leave her training classes!

Sherry says, “Everything that happens to you in life has a reason, and your mission is to find a way to purpose that experience so that it benefits someone else” and she hopes her blog will benefit everyone who reads it.